The Tale of the Terrible Doctor Twilight
by Alara Rogers
Summary: Twilight's convinced Discord hasn't really reformed, and has found a weapon to replace the Elements - a reforming spell Discord missed eating. But panicking an entity like Discord is probably never a good idea. And Twilight's about to learn that the good intentions that pave the road to hell don't make the destination a nicer place to live...
1. The Reforming Spell

_Note: This takes place in my Discord-as-Q series "Next of Kin to Chaos", between "Negotiating Terms" and "Hit Me". Discord's other identity is not particularly important to this story, however._

* * *

It had been a week since Discord had "reformed", although Twilight Sparkle was still mentally putting quotes around the word, and she had been watching him carefully. While Fluttershy seemed convinced that he genuinely had the best interests of ponies at heart now... and Twilight did have to admit that he did seem to truly like Fluttershy, or at least, he listened to her when he didn't listen to anyone else... Twilight was putting together a list of evidence that this was, at best, giving him an excessive benefit of the doubt.

Number one: She had tried to get him to write a Friendship Report to Celestia on the grounds that it had been such a help to her to produce such reports while she was learning what it meant to have friends. She'd thought she'd had a success after he'd actually done one and sent it. However, after the Princess got her coat back to its normal color, the lemons out of her bathtub and persuaded the foals who lived in the palace, the children of the servants and the guards, that possibly they should stop singing "The Song That Doesn't End", she informed Twilight that under no circumstances was she to attempt to pressure Discord into writing any sort of report on anything ever again. And on top of all that, he'd eaten the book on friendship she'd given him to read, and had the nerve to complain that she should have put pepper on it.

Number two: He had generated a tornado near Cloudsdale, on the grounds that pegasi in _his_ time got training in dealing with serious weather, and Rainbow Dash had been complaining about wanting a real challenge. The weather ponies had gotten it under control and no one had gotten hurt and Rainbow Dash confessed secretly that she'd found it really exhilarating, but absolutely no one was to admit to Discord that they had gained any benefit from it in any way because no one wanted more tornados. Fluttershy had sniffled about all the animals that could have gotten hurt if the pegasi hadn't gotten it under control so quickly, and Discord had promised not to make another tornado, but... it was Discord.

Number three: He had taken the Cutie Mark Crusaders into dragon territory to go exploring. They had not come back with exploring cutie marks. He had not informed their families. Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Applejack had been on the verge of actually fighting with Fluttershy over her vow not to use her Element against him by the time they came back chattering eagerly about what a great time they'd had exploring dragon country and meeting dragons, and then they'd actually gotten into a lengthy conversation with Spike where they'd told him everything they'd seen, so it had all in all been a benefit... except for the part where three of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony had ganged up on a fourth yelling at her because they were afraid for their little sisters (or sister figure in Rainbow and Scootaloo's case.) Twilight was not convinced this hadn't been Discord's purpose in the first place.

Number four: He'd gone to Mexicavallo and brought back a little pink earth filly with a brown mane who'd already gotten her cutie mark (hers actually _was_ in exploring) to meet the Princesses. He'd also gifted her with boots for her pet monkey that enabled him to talk. That part was actually kind of sweet. The part that was, well, Discord was the fact that again, he hadn't asked her parents or told them where she was. Also, he'd brought with her a kleptomaniac fox from her home town who had nearly made off with Luna's crown, a large number of jewels, all the palace silverware, and several of the statues in the Canterlot garden before little Exploradora (Dora for short) had used a spell on him, chanting "Swiper, no swiping!" at him three times, which apparently forced him to give all the stuff back. Dora being an earth filly, the fact that she could use magic was certainly very interesting and some ammunition for Twilight's theory that earth ponies and pegasi could, and probably should be, trained in magic in some cases. And the filly had certainly enjoyed herself, and her klepto fox acquaintance hadn't actually managed to keep anything he stole, and the monkey seemed to really like being able to talk. All in all, if Discord had bothered to inform her parents before he'd kidnapped their daughter it might have been wholly beneficial... but Twilight couldn't consider the terror the parents had experienced before Celestia had been able to notify them of what was going on to be anything other than deliberate on Discord's part.

Number five: Under the grounds of teaching the Cutie Mark Crusaders how chaotic the Equestrian language was and helping them with their spelling, he had wandered around Ponyville with them transforming things in ways that were consistent with either adding or removing a silent "e" to their name. This had resulted in Fluttershy having to rehome a little bear cub to a new family because he had been a wooden storage cube and neither she nor the CMC had been willing to let Discord turn him back into one now that he was a living creature. Everything else had been turned back, but many ponies had been quite bothered by finding that their cans had become canes, their tubs had become tubes, and whatnot. Rarity did admit privately afterward that the jaunty little cap she'd been wearing _had_ made a rather magnificent cape, but no one ran around wearing capes except Trixie so it was not really in fashion.

Number six: When Fluttershy asked him to help with the housecleaning, he'd started by enchanting a mop and broom to do the work on their own, then run out the door to Pinkie Pie's claiming that he forgot his hat, then invited Pinkie Pie to to go with him to Neighpon without telling her that he was supposed to be helping Fluttershy clean. Twilight Sparkle had ended up having to undo the spell after the mop and the broom had begun chasing Fluttershy's pets around trying to sweep them up or mop them. Neither Discord nor Pinkie Pie had bothered to notify anyone what they were doing, and they were gone the entire day. Pinkie, at least, was genuinely sorry for worrying her friends afterward. Discord had obviously still thought it was funny, and while he'd technically apologized to Fluttershy Twilight was fairly convinced that he either couldn't comprehend why what he'd done was wrong, or he comprehended it just fine but didn't care. She leaned toward the latter, herself.

And this was after being reformed for _one week_. She was only surprised she hadn't found something amazingly inappropriate he'd done on the seventh day, but maybe the reports just hadn't come in yet, since that was yesterday.

In Twilight's opinion, he wasn't reformed at all. He genuinely did seem to like Fluttershy, since he listened to her when he didn't listen to anyone else, and he'd stopped tormenting her pets or trying to annoy her deliberately (most of the time) and according to Fluttershy, she _had_ actually gotten him to make dinner on occasion and it was both edible and not 100% tooth-rotting empty calories. And he was getting along well with Pinkie, which honestly wasn't a surprise, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders liked him now... which wasn't necessarily a good thing, to be truthful. It gave him an emotional hold on three Bearers of Harmony who _didn't_ like him; Rarity and Applejack and Rainbow Dash would do what they had to do, but they'd be a lot less willing to turn him into stone if it would break the little fillies' hearts. He didn't have to try to win them over, just their little sisters.

Twilight was the only one he didn't have any kind of emotional hold on at all. He learned fast, Twilight thought. Maybe he did really like Fluttershy, but Twilight was convinced that he was once again trying to use the ties of friendship against the Bearers to protect himself, only he'd learned enough about friendship by now that he was going about it in the opposite direction. Now he was creating potential strife between ponies who loved each other by convincing some of them to like _him_, thus paralyzing the ones who didn't.

He didn't understand why ponies didn't like his chaos, or he didn't care, or both. He was restraining himself for Fluttershy's sake and because it was part of a long-range plan to incapacitate the Bearers of the Elements so they _couldn't_ turn him back to stone, without doing anything that was obviously harmful to anypony. Twilight was almost certain of this. He kept doing things that seemed benign but had malicious strings attached, like wonderful fun trips for foals that terrified their families, or that were obviously malicious but not _enough_ to justify moving against him, like the tornado.

But Twilight had found a new weapon.

He wasn't afraid of the Elements anymore. Fluttershy had vowed not to use hers and she'd never break a promise to a friend. Pinkie Pie hadn't made him any promises but it had been hard to get her to focus on defeating Discord the _first_ time they'd done it because she'd actually enjoyed some of the chaos; Twilight suspected Discord would have to actually kill somepony before Pinkie would be willing to move against him again. There was now nothing anypony could hold over his head to make him behave himself except his supposed friendship with Fluttershy, and he was _Discord_. He was conflict and disharmony incarnate. How long could friendship possibly bind him from doing what was in his nature to do, when friendship itself was antithetical to what he was?

No, she'd needed another stick to hold over his rump, and she'd found it. One of the books in Princess Celestia's library of magic had a reforming spell in it that he'd missed eating. And Twilight had memorized it. So short of killing her or erasing her memory – either of which were actions that _would_ lead even Fluttershy to break her promise – Discord had no way to prevent her from using it, except to behave himself, by _her_ standards of behaving himself and not Fluttershy's overly lenient ones.

So she was very, very cheerful in a grimly determined way as she waited for her friends, and Discord, to arrive at the library, so she could inform Discord in front of the others that his days of abusing his privileges were over.

* * *

Rarity was the first to arrive. "Oh, Twilight, I must look a perfect fright," she said. "I came here as quickly as I could, since you said you would need support dealing with Discord, and I'm sure it's ruined my mane. Am I in time? He isn't here yet, is he?"

"No, I had Owlowscious carry the message over to Fluttershy's; he'll go slower than the magic I used to send messages to Applejack and Rainbow DO NOT FLY THROUGH MY—" The multicolored streak of pegasus skidded across the library floor, having sailed in through the open window, stopping just short of crashing into a precariously balanced book cart.

"I brought my Element," Rainbow Dash said. "Is this a fight? Are we setting up an ambush? I came as fast as I could!" She appeared to notice Rarity for the first time. "Oh, hi, Rarity, were you here already?"

"No, I'd just arrived."

"Huh." Rainbow shrugged. "Thought I'd be first. Oh well, I _was_ coming all the way from Cloudsdale."

That was... absurdly fast. It was not normally a ten minute flight from Cloudsdale to Ponyville. Either Rainbow Dash had been closer by than she was implying when she got the message, or she was breaking the laws of physics almost as flagrantly as Pinkie Pie usually did. "Did you have to fly in the window?" Twilight demanded, aggravated. "You could have hit the books!"

"But I didn't. Because I am just that awesome."

Spike arrived with Pinkie Pie. He was out of breath; Pinkie was not. "Hi, everypony! Are we getting together for a party or something?"

"I explained to her about Discord," Spike panted. "Oh, hi, Rarity! Hey, can I get you a cup of tea or something?"

"Spike, you're just arriving yourself," Rarity said, "after running about delivering Twilight's message to myself and Pinkie. I do think you should take time to relax and compose yourself before waiting on any of us. Though some tea will be lovely once you've had a chance to rest."

"This isn't a party, Pinkie," Twilight said. "Did you remember to bring your Element?"

"I did, but we're not going to need it. Discord's our friend now, remember? If he goes back to being a bad guy again I will totally never make him another cupcake in his _life_, and boy, he's not gonna want _that_!"

"I'm really not so sure he is our friend," Twilight said. "Pinkie, I know he's been hanging out with you lately—"

"He's actually really fun once you get to know him! And also once he stops being all psycho maniacal laughter and mutating animals into weird creatures and making everypony's houses float in the air."

"He attacked Cloudsdale with a tornado," Rainbow Dash growled. "Does anyone else buy that BS about he was trying to help us practice handling tornados?"

"Well, you _did_ say you found the challenge exhilarating, darling."

"Yeah, but I'm not gonna tell _him_ that! What if we hadn't been able to get it under control?"

"He _has_ been lovely with the girls lately. At least since we put our hooves down about informing us of their location and getting permission."

"It's only been a week," Twilight said.

Applejack arrived. "Looks like the gang's almost all here," she said. "What's the plan, Twilight? Ah'm guessin' that since Fluttershy and Discord ain't here yet, you arranged stuff for us to be able to make a plan before they show up?"

"Kind of. Look, we all know – well, except maybe for Pinkie – that regardless of what Fluttershy thinks, and regardless of what he told Princess Celestia, we _probably_ cannot trust Discord. We also know that we're not going to be able to use the Elements on him as long as Fluttershy keeps her promise—"

"I didn't make any promises, but I wouldn't wanna turn him into stone unless I knew he was really hurting somepony," Pinkie said. "I know he can be a big jerk, but I actually think Fluttershy's right and he's trying to learn how to be a decent pony! Dragon goat lion eagle thingy."

"Pinkie, what we call that varmint is a lyin' liar what lies," Applejack said. "Just 'cause he's actin' all nice to you now—"

"Yeah, Pinkie, have you forgotten what he did to us?" Rainbow demanded. "He made you hate laughter!"

"He said he was sorry," Pinkie said.

"No, he didn't," Twilight said, puzzled. "He's never apologized for a single thing."

"Just to me! The other day. He said he was sorry he did that because I was the only one who appreciated his work even one tiny little bit and he didn't like having to mess with me but he didn't want to get turned into stone! Which I can understand because I have known a lot of rocks, and you wanna talk about boring, there is nothing more boring than being a rock. I tried to throw some rocks a party to cheer them up one time and I think it worked a tiny little bit but who knows with rocks!"

"Well, he's never apologized to me," Rarity said.

"And speaking of rocks..." Rainbow Dash deadpanned.

Rarity glared at her. "Are you speaking of the thing we all agreed we would never speak of again?"

"Ain't never apologized to me neither, and he made me a _liar_. Pinkie, anypony who likes to laugh could have a day where they ain't feelin' like laughin' or bein' cheerful, but when it's part of your personal honor to be honest, you lie one time and it's like it ruins you forever. Sometimes Ah just don't even get why you fillies all forgave me for that."

"'Cause we were all big mean jerks because of Discord, that's why," Pinkie said. "You weren't really a liar."

"But ah _was_. Ain't like with Fluttershy, he just up and straight messed with her mind. But the rest of us, he opened a door and we walked through it, and we gotta live with that. Ah ain't sure why you can forgive that so easy, Pinkie."

"That's easy! I was just thinking that maybe he went a little bit crazy because he's actually a disembodied energy being from another dimension and he had all his feelings about Equestria locked up in his stone statue body and then he got sucked back into it and all those feelings hit him like a sucker punch and that made him really really mad at Princess Celestia so he decided to plunge Equestria into chaos because he was really upset about being a statue!"

Everypony looked at Pinkie Pie. "Just a feeling I get," she said.

"Ah ain't sure that would justify it anyway," Applejack said.

"The point is," Twilight said, "it's obvious that Discord may have toned down the chaos, but he hasn't _stopped_ by any means. And as long as he doesn't do anything that upsets Fluttershy enough to break her promise to him, why would he have to? He has almost free reign; Fluttershy takes her promises almost as seriously as Pinkie does, and if she's decided to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt... we all know how far she'll give anypony the benefit of the doubt. And she's just not going to want to believe she's misjudged him."

"So what's your plan, Twi?" Rainbow Dash asked. "We can't use the Elements against him to keep him in line if Fluttershy won't cooperate, and you're right, Fluttershy's basically gonna be useless unless he starts making it rain anvils or something. Have you got something else?"

Twilight grinned. "I do, actually. And it's a doozy."

At this point Discord and Fluttershy teleported in, in a flash of light. Discord's forelimbs were flung wide, and there was a small explosion of confetti as they appeared. "_Buongiornio, mes amis!_" Discord shouted, mixing languages with little regard to accuracy. "We have arrived!"

"Uh... hi," Fluttershy murmured.

"I'm glad you're here," Twilight said. She smiled. It was not a nice smile. "Discord, I've been reviewing the reports of the things you've been up to since you supposedly 'reformed'."

"Supposedly?" Discord sighed heavily. "This again?" He turned to the little yellow pegasus next to him. "Fluttershy, they're being so mean to me."

"I, um, I did say it would be better if you told the parents of all those little fillies?"

"Haven't you ever heard 'it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission?'"

"I ain't got a lot of forgiveness in mah heart for you right now, Discord," Applejack said. She glanced over at Rarity. "The only reason Ah haven't told Apple Bloom to stay well the hay away from you is that Sweetie Belle and Scoots would hafta do it too, and the girls had a point that makin' friends with you was supposed to be what reformin' you was about. But you took 'em to _dragon_ country for a whole day—"

"A whole _schoolday_, I might add," Rarity said. "I was a perfect wreck when Miss Cheerilee asked me if Sweetie was ill! I'm sure you cannot imagine _how_ stressful it is when you don't know where your loved ones are, or if they're possibly hurt or worse."

"Yeah, we turned this whole town upside down looking for those kids!" Rainbow Dash said. "And it turned out they were with you the whole time, and you didn't bother to tell _anypony_. Not even Fluttershy."

Discord smirked. "So? Have you called me here to use your Elements on me, then? For shame, Twilight, not offering the condemned prisoner a last meal." In a flash he was dressed in the black and white striped uniform of a convicted criminal that used to be common before the zebras had pointed out that it was incredibly racist. He had a cigar in one paw, and a plate of chocolate-colored spaghetti in his other. "Let me just finish my dinner, and then you can lead me out to the courtyard and do what you must. Oh, but wait!" The uniform, cigar and plate of spaghetti all vanished. "I almost forgot." He scooped up Fluttershy and held her out the way he once had Twilight when he was gloating about turning Ponyville into the Chaos Capital of Equestria. "My dear, dear friend here isn't going to _use_ hers! You're down an Element! Whatever shall you do?"

"Discord, can you put me down please?"

"Oh, of course, Fluttershy." He set her down gently in front of him. "Forgive me, I got a trifle carried away."

"It – it's all right but I really don't like being, you know, where everypony's looking at me..."

"No one would turn you into a statue for being inconsiderate about the way you entertain foals," Twilight said. "Although you've done it _twice_ now, even though you were warned the first time."

"Oh, come on, Dora's parents let her run all over the jungles of Mexicavallo by herself! She has a map for a cutie mark!"

"That's not your call to make, Discord. You're not one of her parents, you're not even a friend of the family, and I can't even imagine why a little filly would have _trusted_ you enough to go with you to Canterlot, but I wouldn't be shocked if she was just a little grey when she got there."

"Well, actually no," Rarity said. "I was actually in Canterlot browsing the shops that day, so I had the opportunity to meet the adorable little adventurer, and her colors were _quite_ vivid."

Discord sniffed. "Just because all the ponies in _Ponyville_ are racist toward draconequui doesn't mean _everypony_ is. Exploradora Rosada has friends of _all_ different types of species. I should bring Fluttershy to meet her, she has an aunt and uncle who run a wild animal rescue."

"I, um, actually that does sort of sound like something I might like? If they're nice ponies who really like taking care of animals?"

"I hardly think you have any call to talk of racism when you just wore that horrible zebra-mocking costume minutes ago," Rarity said sternly.

Discord blinked at her. "Zebra mocking? I was mocking _ponies'_ traditional costume for felons. If I'd been mocking zebras... well, if zebras I'd been mocking, in rhymes I would be talking. What, are there racial tensions with zebras now?" He manufactured a handkerchief and dabbed at his eyes, as if he were beginning to tear up, which he wasn't. "Oh, dear me, I've missed so much, being trapped in stone for a thousand years! What other astonishing new developments have there been? Next you'll be telling me that Earth ponies fly around in balloons."

"We actually do!" Pinkie Pie said. "In fact we used a balloon when we were fighting you to go get Rainbow Dash! And... you already knew that, didn't you."

Twilight cleared her throat. "_As_ I was saying... nopony's going to turn you to stone for taking foals on excursions where they didn't get hurt, as long as you get permission in the future. But there's a pattern here. You completely disrupted Ponyville by changing things to match their spelling if you added or removed a silent 'e'—"

"That was educational."

"You threw a tornado at Cloudsdale—"

"Which they handled admirably!" He was suddenly wearing a top hat, which he took off and tipped to Rainbow Dash. "Kudos to you and your team, Rainbow Dash, you performed splendidly."

"Yeah, but what if we hadn't? Then ponies could've gotten hurt!"

"Oh, I was positive the incredibly _awesome_ Rainbow Dash could handle the situation. Scootaloo assured me you would know how to deal with a tornado! To be honest, in fact, it was the little dear's idea."

Rainbow Dash snorted. "Yeah, right. Scootaloo probably said I was so awesome I could beat a tornado and you took that like she was telling you to attack Cloudsdale with one. I _know_ Scootaloo isn't that irresponsible that she actually suggested that you make a tornado."

"Are you so sure? She and her little pals _did_ let me out the first time, you know."

"It doesn't even matter if she did or not, you're supposed to be a grownup! How old are you, like twenty thousand?"

"Try five billion."

"Well, then grow the buck up! A filly who hasn't even gotten a cutie mark might say something stupid because she's not thinking things through, but _you_ oughta know better!"

"The _point_ is," Twilight said, noting grimly that Discord was smirking and enjoying himself as he riled the other mares up against him, "that you are deliberately misbehaving and causing disharmony, in ways that aren't catastrophic enough to justify using the Elements against you even if Fluttershy hadn't promised not to. You have your supposed benevolent excuse for everything you've done—"

"He's, um, he's been really good about making dinner!" Fluttershy interjected. "And, um, sometimes he helps with feeding the animals..."

"Just stop it, Fluttershy," Applejack said. "We all know you're gonna defend him, and we all know it's 'cause you're a kind, considerate, loving friend that he doesn't deserve. But you can't go givin' him cover for the bad he's been doin'."

"Actually," Spike said, bringing in tea, "you know what else?"

Twilight turned. "What?"

"You haven't checked the books since he got here, did you?"

"What did he _do?_"

"Rearranged them all. I was just shelving _Maps of the Gryphon Lands_ while I was waiting for the water to boil, and then it disappeared, along with all the other books in the reference section, and now it's full of comics and Daring Do and adventures and stuff."

Twilight turned back and glared at Discord. "You've been in my home for _less than ten minutes_ and you had to rearrange all my books? _DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE TO RESHELVE THEM ALL?"_

"Pish posh, Twilight. I kept your categorization schema; all the books are still alphabetized, they're still with books on similar topics, I've just rearranged the shelving scheme. A fresh new look for your library, to help attract more patrons! After all, the only reason you put reference material in the center shelving was that _you_ would find reference material enticing, but I assure you, nopony else does. By putting the sort of exciting, easy-to-read books that attract the non-intellectual sort of ponies in the center, I'm helping you inspire new readers and bringing more traffic to your library! Surely it can only be a good thing if more ponies _use_ your facility, right?"

"You put cookbooks next to medical texts," Spike pointed out.

"What, you think doctors never get hungry?"

Twilight took a very deep breath. "This is exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about. You do something chaotic that's _guaranteed_ to upset somepony, and claim you had a benevolent reason for it. Some of the time you might even _have_ a benevolent reason for it, but that doesn't change the fact that it's something that's absolutely certain to upset somepony, whether it's frightening parents by luring their daughter off on some kind of adventure, terrifying _your best friend's pets_ with the cleaning implements you enchanted to clean her house for her when you _know_ how much her pets mean to her... I mean, this is Fluttershy! The only pony in the universe willing to make friends with you when you wouldn't even meet her halfway!"

"Um, Twilight, Discord and I already talked about this, so, uh, I don't really feel right, being an example here..."

"That's right, Twilight," Discord said, smirking. "Fluttershy and I would prefer to keep our personal lives _personal_."

Fluttershy turned bright red. "Discord! That came out all wrong sounding..."

He looked down at her. "Why, what's wrong with it?" he asked, eyes wide in a parody of innocence. "Surely you're not implying that your dear friends would read something _sordid_ into such a simple statement. Don't you trust your friends, Fluttershy?"

"Leave her alone!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "You are the worst excuse for a friend I ever saw!"

"Leave her alone?" This time Discord's look of bewilderment _almost_ looked sincere. "What was I doing? I was defending _you_ ponies... giving you the benefit of the doubt. See if I do _that_ again."

Applejack scowled at him. "Ah don't trust you," she said. "You got more twists than a carnival pretzel, and you live alone with our friend. You could do anything to her and we wouldn't know about or be able to do anything about it."

Discord smiled coldly. "Oh, but Applejack," he said. "I don't _need_ to be living with a pony to do anything I want to her. Why, right at this very minute your sweet old grandma is in her rocker, knitting, safe and sound in her home with your brother and sister right with her. If I had truly malevolent intentions... the stove is on, she's roasting a casserole. It would be truly, truly awful if the stove suddenly developed a terrible malfunction, wouldn't it? Did you _know_ that an improperly vented stove can fill a room with a colorless, odorless, undetectable, _poisonous_ gas?"

Rainbow Dash launched herself at him, slamming him to the ground, where Applejack pinned his neck with a hoof. "You had _better_ not be threatening mah family, you son of a snake, or Ah will find a way to end you!"

Discord smirked. "With _what?_" he asked, and suddenly Applejack had Rainbow Dash's wings, which were flapping on their own, lifting her off of him. Both she and Rainbow Dash shouted in startlement, and in Dash's case a little bit of panic.

"Discord! Stop this right now!" Fluttershy shouted.

Pinkie Pie landed her whole body straddling Discord's neck, staring down at him. "Don't make us have to fight you, Dissy," she said. "You really, really like to kick hornets' nests, but you know who doesn't like that? _Hornets_. And also all the ponies anyplace near the hornets. And the thing with hornets is they're super tiny but there's lots and lots of them and they can _sting_, and it hurts a _lot!_ Did you ever get stung by a hornet?"

"Is this metaphorical or literal?" Discord said. "Because if you mean _real_ hornets, like the ones in Rarity's bag, then no."

Rarity shrieked as her posh, elegant handcrafted purse opened on its own under the pressure of a horde of loudly buzzing insects. Spike charged at her, grabbed the purse, and breathed fire at it and the hornets that were starting to escape. "Rarity, are you ok?"

"Oh, I'm just fine, Spike," Rarity said weakly, breathing hard. "Thanks to your quick reflexes! But I do hope that didn't destroy my purse; it was one of my best."

"Oh, no, I wouldn't have destroyed anything of yours," Spike said, grinning broadly. "That's the messenger fire. All it did was..." he trailed off, realizing something in horror. "...sent the purse to Canterlot..."

Discord grabbed Pinkie Pie and planted a giant smooch on her cheek before setting her down and coming to his feet like he didn't have to worry about pesky things like bones. "Oh, Pinkie Pie, thank you for the inspiration! Now I must go see Celestia! This is bound to be _hilarity incarnate!_"

Fluttershy glared up at him. "Purse! Here. Now. With no hornets. Hornets back to their nest. And _you_, stop riling everyone up! And you don't get to leave to go see Princess Celestia in the middle of an argument!"

"Moooom, you never let me have _any_ fun," Discord whined, but snapped his talon, and a hornetless purse landed on Rarity's head.

"My mane!" Rarity shrieked, as her purse crushed her elaborately styled and coiffed manedo and disarranged it completely.

Ignoring Rarity, or at least pretending to, Discord continued, "A shame, I was so looking forward to seeing how Celestia had modernized pest control since my day."

"Ah'll show you modern pest control," Applejack growled, the Element on her neck glowing. Somewhere in the fracas she had lost Rainbow Dash's wings, which were back on Dash.

"_That's_ not modern at all," Discord scoffed. "Those things are positively ancient."

"Yeah, sometimes the old things are the best things!" Dash shouted, her own element glowing.

"Everypony please just stop..." Fluttershy murmured.

Pinkie Pie now had a party cannon pointed at Discord. "Don't make me use this, buster," she said. "You will _not_ like it if I have to use this."

Discord's eyes widened in glee. "You're going to shoot me with a party? Glorious! Fire when ready!"

"You asked for it," Pinkie Pie said, and set off the cannon.

A moment later Pinkie Pie was standing where Discord had been a second ago, Discord was behind the cannon, and Pinkie was covered from head to toe with spinach. "Oh, my nemesis!" Discord said, parodying a look of terror. "Second only to the Elements of Harmony as a weapon against me! _Healthy food!_ "

"Yeah, I knew you wouldn't like that," Pinkie said proudly, acting for all the world as if she'd successfully hit him and not as if he'd reversed their positions so the spinach had hit her instead.

"Everypony... please..." Fluttershy whimpered.

Twilight had had enough of this. "EVERYPONY STOP RIGHT NOW!"

Every pony, plus the dragon and the draconequus, stopped what they were doing.

"You think this is all hilarious, Discord, don't you?" Twilight said softly into the resulting quiet. "You can play pranks, you can _make threats_, and it's all fun and games to _you_. You don't think anything here can hurt you, because you don't think Fluttershy will use her Element, and that's the only weapon we have against you."

Discord had begun to nod along with her. "Hmm. Yup. I'd say that just about sums it up!"

"I found a reforming spell and memorized it," Twilight said, letting the spell light up her horn.

The last time she'd seen the draconequus' expression change that radically, it was when he'd just realized he was turning to stone again. Discord actually took a step backward. "Now, Twilight, let's not be hasty about anything here..."

Twilight smiled fiercely. The look of fear in Discord's eyes filled her with savage joy. "Looks like I found another weapon, doesn't it?"

She wasn't planning on actually using it – yet. She just wanted him terrified. So she let magic build up in her horn, knowing Discord would be able to see the spell sitting there. The rest of her friends had formed into a rough circle around Discord, except for Fluttershy, who was next to him, looking up at him with a look of shock on her face.

"You don't know what you're dealing with," Discord said, breathing hard, eyes riveted to her horn. "Where did you even get such a spell? I thought I got them all!"

"You missed the protected books in Princess Celestia's private library," Twilight smirked. "It took some doing, but I found one in there. And I memorized it. So it won't do you any good to eat the spell _now_."

Discord had actually gone visibly pale under his fur. "One of the ones from _Celestia's_ protected library? She lets _you_ go in there?"

"Princess Celestia trusts me," Twilight said.

"Well, then she's an idiot!" Discord said, an edge of panic in his voice. "If you think those spells are _anything_ a little pony like you should be playing around with—"

"Discord, if you're reformed, why are you so scared of a reforming spell?" Twilight asked triumphantly. She took a step toward him, horn glowing, and he actually took another step backward. "If I cast that spell on, say, Spike, or on Fluttershy, or anypony else here, nothing bad would happen to them. There's nothing for the spell to work on, when a pony doesn't _need_ to reform."

He shook his head wildly. "That's not how they work. How could Celestia be so irresponsible as to let you get your hooves on magic you don't even begin to comprehend?"

"That _is_ how they work! I've been studying magic for years, I _know_ how reforming spells work! If there's nothing to reform, the spell has no effect! The fact that you're afraid _proves_ you're not really reformed!"

"Do it, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "If he's messing with Fluttershy now, it's only a matter of time before he'll be messing with Ponyville!"

"Evil little snake threatened mah family," Applejack growled. "Ah say do it."

Fluttershy shook her head, and said something, but her voice was too tiny to hear it.

"I didn't threaten your family! I pointed out that I _could_ threaten your family if I wanted to but I wasn't doing it! I was just making a point, Applejack, I had no intention of harming your family!" Discord sounded both indignant and more than a little panicked. "Look, I like your little sister, she's adorably chaotic, I'd never do something to harm her even if her older sister's an insufferable moron!"

"Guess what?" Twilight said, grinning. "I've adjusted the spell so that it goes off the _nanosecond_ anything tries to tamper with my horn, and it'll follow any spell energies touching my horn back to the source. So if you try to stop me by taking my magic... you're getting a targeted reforming spell directly to the face, and even if you try teleporting, it'll _follow your magic_."

Rarity took a deep breath. "I must agree that the miscreant has demonstrated that, friendship with Fluttershy or no, he is _still_ incorrigible," she said. "Why, I could have been seriously _hurt_ by a swarm of hornets inside my _purse_ while I was carrying it. I vote yes, Twilight. Reform him."

"I wasn't going to let the hornets hurt you! It was a joke! Pinkie Pie gave me too good of a setup to pass up!"

Pinkie, who had managed to divest herself of the spinach, glared at him. "You don't take the stuff I say and use it to hurt my friends as a _joke_," she said. "That is Not Funny."

"Don't, Twilight, he's scared," Fluttershy whispered, but her voice was so tiny Twilight could pretend she hadn't even spoken. If Fluttershy hadn't made that stupid promise, they wouldn't be in this position. She wasn't going to show mercy just because Fluttershy wanted her to; Fluttershy would let Discord walk all over them, and insist on giving him the benefit of the doubt, up to the moment that a pony ended up hurt or dead.

"What do you say, Pinkie?" Twilight said, knowing that Pinkie was the most likely after Fluttershy to try to give Discord the benefit of the doubt.

Pinkie shook her head, her mane drooping. "Twilight, I... I can't be the deciding vote on something like this... I don't think so, okay? I think maybe things got a little out of hand. I mean, he did get rid of the hornets the moment Fluttershy told him to, and he hasn't actually _hurt_ anypony yet..."

"Yet," Rainbow Dash said. "He took my _wings_ and put them on Applejack!"

"I gave them back to you!"

"You never should've taken'em in the first place!"

"Answer me, Discord," Twilight said. "If you're reformed, _why_ are you scared of a reforming spell? It's like me being upset about a spell that turns somepony's coat purple."

"Well, actually, dear, that's not the best analogy," Rarity said. "There _are_ different shades of the color purple, and you would look _so_ unfortunate in a bluer shade. And what if having a spell for purple on top of purple increased the purple saturation so it approached black?"

"You're not helping, Rarity."

"I'm just pointing out that the analogy isn't entirely sound."

"No, it's actually perfect," Discord said, a bitter tone in his voice. "What makes you think that a reforming spell produces effects even vaguely approaching what reforming by free will would?"

"What makes you think any of us but Fluttershy and maybe Pinkie think you've reformed by free will?" Twilight shot back.

"Because if I hadn't reformed, why haven't I unleashed total chaos all over Equestria?"

"Not wanting to make your only friend so mad at you she breaks her promise not to attack you isn't the same thing as reforming! You don't care if ponies are miserable as long as the only pony you care about isn't too mad at you! And she lets you get away with _everything_!"

"Please don't," Fluttershy whispered.

Discord looked down at Fluttershy, with an expression that on anypony else Twilight would have described as anguished, but there was no way Discord actually had that kind of depth of emotion so it was obviously a put-on so they'd feel sympathy for him. "Fluttershy, I don't want to do this..."

That sounded like a threat. Twilight threw a teleport shield up around the room. Discord's head whipped around to look at her, a stricken expression on his face. "You don't know what you're doing, Twilight, don't do this," he warned, but if he'd intended it to be menacing the panic in his voice ruined it.

"There's one more vote," Twilight said. "Spike? What do you think?"

Spike looked hard at Discord, then sighed. "He could have really hurt Rarity, and it was just for a stupid joke. I don't... I wouldn't wanna put him in stone at this point, I don't think what he's done is that bad... but it's only a matter of time before he does something worse, and a reforming spell isn't a punishment, it'll just make him behave. So... yeah. I say do it."

"_Wait!_ Twilight, you don't know about the side effects of that thing! You know nothing about that spell!"

"And let me guess, you're going to tell me. Because you have _no_ reason to lie and make it sound worse than it is."

"I'll get you a book. There's a book that has the side effects. Please, Twilight, you can't just go using a spell you don't understand anything about without even doing the research to understand how it works!" Before she could say anything, he reached a paw out to where her books on knitting _ought_ to be, and a tome of magic spells flew into his hand.

"Discord, I've read that one cover to cover. It's a manual of friendship spells. It says absolutely _nothing_ about reforming spells or their side effects!"

He was thumbing through the book rapidly, flipping pages like a dealer shuffling cards. "I _know_ that," he said. "But it'll tell me how to find the other book."

"How?" Twilight demanded.

"And if you know where this other book is, how come you need to look up where it is?" Rainbow Dash asked triumphantly, as if she'd caught Discord lying.

"Do I look like the sort of guy who remembers where he put the stuff he left lying around?" Discord asked irritably. "Besides, a thousand years in stone, remember? Okay, there we go." He tossed the friendship spell book at Twilight, who instinctively redirected her magic to catch it. "I'll go get you that book and be right back, Sparky. Ta!"

And then Twilight's teleportation shield shattered, driving her to her knees with a sudden agonizing pain in her horn, and Discord vanished.

* * *

This story is part of my series "Next of Kin to Chaos." Because fanfiction dot net has no way of marking stories as part of a series sequence I am including the correct sequence at the bottom of the fics:

**I Could Be Again:** Q's days of making overconfident, stupid mistakes come to a middle. Pre-"Return of Harmony" in MLP sequence; post "Q Who" in TNG sequence.

**The Princess and the Dragon:** A dragon who isn't a dragon shows up in Celestia's bedroom to offer unsolicited advice about Discord. Post "Return of Harmony", pre "Keep Calm and Flutter On."

**Discord's First, Last and Only Friendship Report:** Somepony thought it would be a good idea for Discord to write a friendship report. Somepony was plainly out of their mind. Post "Keep Calm and Flutter On."

**Negotiating Terms:** Direct sequel to "Friendship Report". Discord wants to know why Celestia thought it was a good idea to reform him. Celestia wants to know why it worked.

**The Tale of the Terrible Doctor Twilight:** Twilight Sparkle has found a new weapon to hold Discord accountable with, a reforming spell he missed eating. But a cornered draconequus is a dangerous beast...

**Hit Me:** Discord wants Twilight to hit him. Twilight does not respond with the expected delight.

**The King Who Would Be Man:** Immediately prior to, and during, TNG "Deja Q". Discord's new life with friends and frenemies in Ponyville is disrupted when he is arrested by the Q Continuum.

Note: As of "Princess Twilight Sparkle" this series is officially AU, because my backstory for the Elements does not match the one in the series and I don't want to change it for this series.


	2. The Feral Spirit

A strange sound came from Fluttershy. Twilight turned, and saw the yellow pegasus glaring at her, eyes spilling with tears, an expression of fury on her face. Taken aback, Twilight actually took a step backward from her. "Fluttershy, what-?"

"Twilight. You. STUPID!" Fluttershy shouted, her voice cracking, wings beating. She lifted off the ground and was in Twilight's face in two wingbeats. To Twilight's – and everypony else's, and possibly even Fluttershy's own – shock, she swung her hoof and slapped Twilight in the face.

And then she dropped to the ground, exploded into tears, and threw her arms around Twilight, who was still stunned by the fact that _Fluttershy_ of all ponies had slapped her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was so _scared_, you're so _stupid,_ Twilight, why wouldn't you listen to me, I was so scared, I was _so scared..._"

"Hon, you all right?" Applejack asked tentatively.

"You're all _STUPID!_" Fluttershy screamed, and started sobbing brokenly again, still hugging Twilight. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I should have been louder but why didn't you _listen_, I was so scared..."

"For _Discord?_" Twilight asked disbelievingly. She knew Fluttershy considered the chaos god her friend and actually believed in him, but this seemed like an extreme reaction.

"For _you_! For all of us! And for Discord! But especially you, Twilight, I'm so sorry I hit you, that was so mean of me, I'm sorry, I just got so _scared_... I thought he was going to, he was going to..."

"Wait." She pushed Fluttershy off of her so she could see the pegasus' face. "You thought your _friend_, who you're always giving a lot of slack to, was going to do something to me?"

"You think I'm so dumb!" Fluttershy crumpled to the floor, still crying hysterically. "You never listen to me even though this is my _job_, Princess Celestia told me, but you think I don't know what I'm doing, you think I'm so dumb but you're so _stupid_, you don't know how to do what I do and that's ok, we all know how to do different things but you think you know _everything_ and I was trying to tell you and you wouldn't _listen_..."

Rainbow Dash knelt down beside the other pegasus. "Hey. Hey, Flutters, it's ok. It's ok. We're gonna listen now, ok? Everypony's safe, nopony got hurt—"

"Well, aside from my mane being _ruined_," Rarity said, but then sighed. "But I suppose that's a small price to pay considering what Discord is _capable_ of."

"Rainbow Dash's right," Applejack said. "We're all of us sorry we didn't listen to you, Fluttershy, but nopony got hurt. We're all ok."

"It's okay!" Pinkie said, with a tray of cupcakes that Twilight could have sworn there was no realistic way for her to suddenly acquire. She knelt down next to Fluttershy and pulled the strap holding the cupcake tray off her head, allowing the tray to sit on the floor. "Dissy didn't do anything terrible, Fluttershy, we're all fine! See, you were right, he doesn't want to hurt us now! Come on, have a cupcake, it'll cheer you up!"

"I, uh, thank you but, uh, I don't really have an, an appetite right now," Fluttershy whispered. "Maybe, maybe later?"

"Okie dokie lokie! Saving 'em for later!" Pinkie put the strap back around her neck and bounced off with the tray.

"Why don't I make you some tea, darling?" Rarity said. "I know the perfect calming blend."

"I'll help!" Spike said, and followed Rarity eagerly into the kitchen. "I'll show you where we keep all the tea blends, Rarity!"

Twilight felt completely at a loss. Everypony was doing something to try to comfort Fluttershy except her. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie, who'd come back without the cupcakes, were all crowded around Fluttershy, petting her or hugging her or simply being there for her, and they had her surrounded. Spike and Rarity were _doing_ something. Twilight didn't know what she could do. The press of bodies around Fluttershy didn't seem to leave any room for her, and she felt so awful and guilty for making Fluttershy cry like this, but _why?_ What had Fluttershy so terrified? Twilight had just been trying to _protect_ everypony from Discord!

And if Discord was Fluttershy's friend, why would she be so scared of him? Was it all an act? Was he _abusing_ her in secret? Oh, if that was the case she wasn't going to wait for him to give her any ridiculous piece of propaganda, she was just going to hit him with the reforming spell straight out, no questions asked.

"What has Discord been _doing_ to you, Fluttershy?" Twilight finally asked. She didn't want to frighten her friend or set her off crying again, but if Discord was hurting her Twilight needed to know.

Fluttershy looked at her with an expression of total confusion. "Doing? To me?"

"Yes! You say he's your friend but now you're telling us you're terrified of him—"

"I'm not," Fluttershy whispered, crumpling in on herself. "I'm... you don't understand..."

"Sugarcube, Twilight's right. If Discord's been doin' something to ya—"

"No!" Fluttershy shouted. "None of you are _listening!_" She started to cry again.

"Okay. Back off, guys," Rainbow Dash said, waving a hoof at Applejack and Twilight. "Hey. Hey, Flutters, it's okay. We weren't letting you talk, we were jumping to all kinds of conclusions, I know it upsets you. But you gotta tell us what it is you want to tell us, okay? 'Cause we're dumb, we _don't_ know what you're thinking here and yeah, you're an expert in stuff we don't know anything about. I don't know why it is you'd be friends with Discord if you're scared of him, but you're gonna tell us now, right? And we're gonna shut up and listen." She looked up at Twilight and Applejack. "Right, fillies?"

"Right," Twilight said.

"Darned tootin'," Applejack said.

Rarity and Spike came in, Spike carrying the teacup. "Fluttershy, I hope you don't mind, I iced the tea for you," Rarity said. "If you'd like it warm there's still some in the kettle, but I thought it best to give you something calming you can drink right away, without waiting for it to cool down."

"Th-thank you..."

Spike gave Fluttershy the teacup. "No problem!"

Fluttershy took a few sips while Twilight's impatience grew. What _had_ Discord done to her friend?

Eventually Fluttershy managed to stop crying. "I'm... I'm sorry, everypony, I shouldn't, I shouldn't have gotten so upset with all of you," she said in almost her normal tone of voice. "I just..."

"It's okay, sugarcube," Applejack said. "We know you were just lookin' out for us."

"Okay." Fluttershy took another sip of her drink. "Okay. So Princess Celestia asked me to reform Discord, right? And I figured out why after I spent some time with him. Because I know a lot about taming wild animals. And the thing you don't ever do with a wild animal is, you don't ever box it into a corner. If it thinks you're threatening it and it has nowhere to run... it'll bite you. That's what wild animals _do._"

Twilight took a deep breath. "Discord's not an animal, Fluttershy. Just because he's got all those mixed up animal _parts—"_

"I'm not stupid, Twilight," Fluttershy said softly. "We're all animals. Ponies are animals, dragons are animals. Everything alive's an animal."

"Except plants!" Pinkie said. "And sometimes rocks!"

"Right, ok, but the point is? Just because an animal talks and thinks doesn't make it not an animal. And ponies... we're civilized animals. Like, we're tame animals. We don't hurt each other on purpose if we can avoid it. We try to work together. We're friends with each other. So we're not wild. But Discord... Discord is feral. You have to understand that."

"Well, I will admit he looks rather savage, particularly with that fang, but—"

Fluttershy cut Rarity off. "No, that's not it! Like, Spike here. Spike, when you're grown up you'll look like a scary creature because dragons are scary creatures, but you won't really _be_ a scary creature, you'll be a civilized creature. Like ponies. Tame. Friendly. Creatures who get along with each other, in, in harmony. It doesn't matter how scary somepony _looks_, it's how they are. How they think. Spike was raised with love and friends so he'll always be civilized."

"I hope so," Spike said. "I don't _wanna_ be some kind of scary creature."

"But Discord... I think he wasn't. He acts like he wasn't. I mean he's very smart, and he's not violent – he uses his powers to be annoying, or even when he's, even when he's being evil, he hurts ponies with words and playing with their mind. I don't mean he's going to bite anypony. But... he doesn't need to. He's so powerful. If Discord gets scared and bites... he's not going to use his teeth. He's going to use his power. And even the princesses can't stand up to his power if he isn't holding back."

Twilight sighed with frustration. "Fluttershy, we can't go around living in fear of Discord, letting him do whatever he wants whenever he wants! If he's so dangerous, why did you agree not to put him in stone?"

"You don't understand, Twilight!" Fluttershy got to her feet. "Princess Celestia told me to reform Discord. That's just like telling me to tame a wild animal. If you want to put an animal in a cage so it doesn't hurt anypony... that's cruel! Maybe you might have to do it if you can't tame it but it's so cruel to keep an animal in a cage, you need to try to tame it if you can. It's the same with Discord!"

Rainbow Dash said skeptically, "Wild animals don't know any better. Discord does. How do you _tame_ something that's as smart as a pony, Fluttershy? He could do the right thing, he just doesn't want to."

"I just... let me explain." Fluttershy paced a little bit, nervously, all but walking around in circles. "So animals that live among ponies, tame animals? They feel the same way ponies do. They understand friendship and love. They know that somepony is going to take care of them and protect them, and they want to give those feelings back. That's harmony, right? But in wild places, like, like the Everfree. Animals have to take care of themselves. Nopony's going to do it for them. Every other creature they meet is maybe dangerous. Maybe it's their food, or it thinks they're its food, or it's angry because it thinks they want to steal its food, or steal its mate or its territory. There's no love, there's no friendship. Except between mothers with their babies, and timberwolves in a pack. Every creature fights every other creature." She took a deep breath. "So when you find one of them? They don't understand friendship. They don't understand love. They don't understand that you just want to help them. They think every creature is an enemy. And if they didn't think that, they'd get killed or eaten. So they _have_ to think that way. So when you want to take care of them you have to be very, very careful to make sure they understand that you are a friend, and it's hard because they don't understand friendship."

"But, Fluttershy." Applejack was also skeptical. "Ah see the point you're makin', but there ain't nopony tryin' to eat Discord. Natural creatures are that way because they've gotta be, but he oughta know better!"

"But he doesn't," Fluttershy said. "I don't know what made him that way. Maybe it's because he's the Spirit of Disharmony. Or maybe he spent his life fighting other spirits. I don't know, and it doesn't matter. The point is that to reform Discord, I've had to treat him like a feral animal. Feral animals growl at you if you get too close, and they steal your food, and they pee in places you don't want them to. Well, he doesn't do those things, but he insults ponies, he plays pranks, he tries to rile ponies up and make them fight each other... and you say he ought to know better, Applejack, but the reason we know better is that we care about each other. Ponies worry about how other ponies feel. I have to _teach_ Discord how to care about how ponies feel. And why he should. And it isn't easy, but it is working, slowly... or at least it was..."

"What do you mean at least it was?" Twilight asked.

"I mean you... might've... made it not work anymore? He was _scared_, Twilight. I could see it in his face."

"We all could," Applejack said. "But he threatened mah family, Fluttershy. Am Ah supposed to take that lyin' down?"

"You, uh, you accused him of... of doing mean things to me. Or that he might. I know it sounded like he threatened your family, and, and, if he said those things about _my_ parents I would have been really really upset with him? But what he was saying was that... oh, he really doesn't understand how ponies feel. He isn't scared of things like his family getting hurt. I don't even know if he has one. He was trying to say that he _hasn't_ done any bad things to your family or anypony else even though he could so you shouldn't be afraid of him doing bad things to me, but he doesn't understand how to say things like that without it being scary because he doesn't understand what it's like to feel afraid for the ponies you love."

"So why is it a bad thing to make him understand fear?" Twilight said. "If he isn't afraid for the ponies he cares about because there aren't any, then we _have_ to threaten him to make him understand what it's like to be afraid."

Fluttershy shook her head. "Feral animals bite when you corner them," she whispered. "When he said he didn't want to do this... I was _so scared_. I thought he was going to kill you. He looked... he was scared, but he looked like he was _grieving_, like he was about to lose something he really cared about... and he said that, and I thought, I thought he was trying to ask for me to understand and then he was going to kill you to protect himself even though he didn't want to because I'd never forgive him and I was _so scared_ I couldn't even talk... because he's feral and you had him in a corner, Twilight, you scared him and I was so afraid he was going to bite you. Not literally, but with his powers. And... and Twilight, he can kill. He doesn't like to do it but he _can_. He... he has. He told me."

Rainbow Dash said angrily, "He _told_ you he's killed ponies? Like what, he was threatening you? He was trying to scare you?"

Fluttershy sighed. "No. He was telling me why I shouldn't be his friend because he doesn't really deserve one. And... and a lot of that is, uh, private, I mean, if somepony confides in you you don't just gossip about it to your friends, but... Discord _talks_ to me. I _know_ he's sincere about trying to get along with us. I know he really does want friends. But he doesn't know how and he's scared because he can get anything he wants by snapping his claws except a friend, so he's not used to not knowing how to get what he wants. Most of the time he's silly and he plays pranks or he wants to play games but sometimes he, uh, sometimes he really talks to me? So I _know_ him better than anypony else here. But he's wild. He's starting to learn to trust but if you scare him he might do anything."

"So we have to let him do whatever he wants?" Twilight said. "Because he can threaten us all he wants or frighten us or make a mess of our lives, but the moment _he_ gets scared he's going to attack us so we can't threaten him?"

"uh... yes? Exactly?"

"Fluttershy, how in tarnation are we supposed to live that way? And why should we? Just 'cause he's more powerful than us? You know darned well we can stop him any time _you_ want to! Why should we just let him do whatever the hay he wants when we've _got_ the power to make him stop?"

"Ahem," Pinkie Pie said. "Because Fluttershy _promised_, duh. It wasn't a Pinkie Promise so I guess she _could_ break it if Discord did something really awful but it was still a promise to a friend and you shouldn't break those!"

"That's not why," Fluttershy said. "That _was_ my reason until he told me about what it's like being turned to stone. It's cruel. It's really, really cruel to do to anypony. And, and the first time we did it, we really didn't have a choice? Even Discord admitted that to me, he knows we didn't have a choice. But there's another way now, so... I can't do something that mean to somepony if there's any way to get them to behave without hurting them. I just can't."

"Darling, wouldn't being turned to stone just make one unconscious? Twilight, you were attacked by a cockatrice, surely you'd know. Is it _that_ terrible to be turned to stone?"

"Well, it was really frightening at first when I realized what was happening, but I did lose consciousness. I wasn't aware of being stone while I was. It's definitely very frightening because you don't know if you'll ever be brought back to life and if nopony ever restores you, you know it's basically like being dead. So I suppose for somepony like Discord, where he'd have no reason to think anypony would ever undo the spell, maybe he's afraid of going into stone and never waking up."

"He doesn't sleep, Twilight," Fluttershy said softly.

Suddenly Twilight remembered that Discord had plainly heard the entire conversation between Celestia and the Element Bearers about reforming him _before_ they unstoned him. And that he'd claimed that it was lonely being stone. He didn't sleep. Maybe he couldn't?

Maybe he couldn't lose consciousness?

She didn't _want_ to empathize with Discord, but the horror of it was too great. What would it be like to be frozen, unable to move, to speak, to see... for a thousand years? Unable to sleep, unable to die, trapped paralyzed in your own flesh and knowing, knowing there would never be anypony coming to the rescue, there would never be anypony trying to help you out of friendship or compassion because you have no friends and no one would ever feel compassion for you? For a _thousand years_? Wondering if it would be forever? No reason to hope that it might not be?

"So why is he so scared of a reforming spell?" Twilight asked. "I... see what you mean, about it being cruel to turn him into stone. If he wasn't asleep in there... that's pretty horrifying. But if we used a reforming spell we would never _need_ to turn him to stone! He'd be safe!"

"For values of 'safe' that really shouldn't be considered part of the appropriate range for safety, perhaps," Discord said behind her. "_What_ have you all done to Fluttershy?"

"They – they didn't. I was just, I was scared!" Fluttershy got up and ran to Discord, who was holding a book in his talon. "I didn't know if you would ever come back! Or if you were just going to make it rain chocolate all over Ponyville and everything we worked on together would be ruined and I would never get to be your friend again..."

Twilight frowned. What Fluttershy was saying to Discord sounded perfectly sincere, but didn't really match what she'd said to Twilight. And then Twilight realized that Fluttershy was the Element of _Kindness_, not Honesty. She wasn't lying, but she was putting a spin on the truth to Discord to make him feel better, implying she'd been more afraid of losing his friendship than of him doing something horrible to her other friends.

"Now, Fluttershy, what kind of a friend would I be if I gave up on you just because one of your friends wants to rip my mind out through my eyeballs with a buttonhook and replace it with a large wad of cotton stuffing?" Discord said, as Fluttershy hugged him. "I'm _sure_ Twilight isn't going to do anything _hasty._ Why, I'm sure by now she's considered the fact that she got this spell from Celestia's private library, meaning Princess Celestia has _had_ this spell the whole time, and yet apparently never chose to use it on either myself or Nightmare Moon, but in fact preferred to banish her own sister to the moon for a thousand years rather than use this particular spell. And I'm _sure_ even Twilight isn't arrogant enough to think _she_ knows so much better than her beloved _Princess Celestia._"

Twilight frowned. He... had a point, there.

"Don't listen to him, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash said. "You don't know what the Princess was thinking of; just because you had an idea she didn't doesn't mean you're better than her or smarter than her, it just means you're a different pony with a different perspective! You could have a perfectly good idea she just never thought of!"

Discord was smiling at Fluttershy, his tone as jovial and humorous as always, but there was something wrong with his eyes. They were fixed on her, not Fluttershy, and they were very, very cold and hard. Twilight shuddered. For a moment she seriously considered firing off the spell anyway, now that he didn't expect it. But... maybe he had a point? Princess Celestia hadn't used this spell when she could have, and while the Princess might have thought that locking Discord in stone was more merciful if she hadn't realized that he couldn't sleep, surely she would have tried to use the spell to turn her sister back into Luna rather than sending her to the _moon_ for a _thousand years._ Of course, possibly it wouldn't work on a separate entity like Nightmare Moon ; Luna couldn't be reformed because Luna was good already, and Nightmare Moon couldn't be reformed because she _was_ Luna's evil side and to reform her was essentially to destroy her, and what consequences might there be to literally destroying the evil in a pony's psyche rather than suppressing it?

"I think Discord promised me a book on the subject," Twilight said. "I'm willing to do more research before I rush into this." She looked straight at Discord as she said so.

"I am a draconequus of my word," Discord said, and proffered her the book in his talon. "This should tell you exactly what you need to know about the consequences of reforming spells and why they should not be used."

"And it's totally unbiased, I'm sure," Twilight said dryly.

"Twilight Sparkle, here I thought you were an accomplished researcher. Surely _you_ know how to read past the biases in a work and identify what is most likely to be true versus what's simply the author's spin. Besides, bias or no, I think you'll find this makes quite a compelling argument."

She levitated the book from his claws and brought it over to herself. When she saw the title she scowled. "_The Tale of the Terrible Doctor Twilight?_ Discord, is this some kind of a sick joke?"

"It's not a joke at all, I assure you," he said, his voice colder and more serious than she could ever remember hearing him.

"Then why, exactly, does it have a title like that?"

"That's not the title," Pinkie Pie said, frowning, peering over Twilight's shoulder. "It's something about cupcakes! Let me see... I see cupcakes, I see pie, I can't make out the rest of it..."

"It's encrypted," Discord said. "Twilight, your experience as a powerful unicorn mage will activate the true potential of the book. Pinkie wouldn't get the same experience out of reading it as you would. And this book is dangerous in the hooves of an untrained or unmagical pony, so Pinkie, back off."

"Okie dokie lokie! But if it's really about cupcakes can I read it later?"

"It's encrypted to unicorn mages and it has my name on it?"

"As if you're the only unicorn to ever be named Twilight. Isn't that your _mother's_ name? For that matter if I recall correctly the female magi in your family have had the name Twilight going back a _very_ long time."

That was true, she admitted to herself. Her mother was Twilight Velvet, her grandmother wasn't a Twilight but her great-aunt had been Twilight Moon, her great-grandmother had been Twilight Starshine, there'd been a Twilight Silver who'd been a great and important mage shortly after the Discordian era... despite herself her heart beat faster with sudden eagerness. What if this was a book about one of her ancestors, one of the Twilights before her who had been powerful mages? It _was_ family tradition that the oldest daughter of the line have the name Twilight, and most of them had been very powerful unicorns, though very few had been in her own league. She flipped to the middle of the book, and frowned in dismay. "This is unreadable gobbledygook," she complained. "Is this even Equestrian?"

"_Encrypted_, Twilight, is not a word referring to Mexicallavan mummy gods of the kind who routinely have their tombs disturbed by Daring Do. You need to start from the _beginning._"

"Darling, are you sure this is a good idea?" Rarity asked. "As you said, the likelihood that _Discord_ would provide an unbiased perspective on the matter seems absurdly small."

"It's just a book, Rarity," Twilight said. "It's not even a spellbook. Knowledge can't harm me."

"Ah ain't so sure on that, sugarcube," Applejack said. "So-called knowledge that's nothin' but a pack of lies can do a _lot_ of damage."

"Well, I think I'm good enough with ancient texts that I ought to be able to tell whether this is a pack of lies or not," Twilight said.

"What if we just ask Princess Celestia?" Spike said. "Discord said she didn't use a reforming spell on him or Princess Luna, so why don't we write to her right now and ask why not? If the spells are really bad, she'll tell us!"

"It's a good idea, Spike, but I can't go running to the Princess every time I have a question about anything," Twilight said. "I'm supposed to be an _advanced_ student at this point, so I need to consult my own research before bothering the Princess." Besides, if it was really about one of the former Twilights, she wanted to read it. And if she consulted Princess Celestia, the Princess would certainly answer her question about why she had not used reforming spells on Luna and Discord when she could have, but she might also tell Twilight not to read the book Discord was giving her. Discord hadn't said it was a spellbook, and the title suggested it was lore or history, not spells, but a mage-encrypted tome was, in fact, a dangerous thing. Twilight was certain she could handle it, whatever it was; she didn't want to be warned off by the Princess being overprotective of her student. At this point, after she'd faced Nightmare Moon, Discord himself, the Changelings, King Sombra... Twilight had confidence in herself that she could handle any kind of magical threat, especially with her friends all around her and the Elements of Harmony at hand.

She flipped open the first page of the book. Her eyes fell on the first line. _Twilight Sparkle was a unicorn who loved books_, it said.

_What-?_

And then Twilight was falling, and the world went dark around her.

* * *

Twilight's eyes glowed, and her whole body went rigid, as the book fell to the floor.

"DISCORD!" Rainbow Dash screamed, lunging at him through the air, knocking him into the bookshelf-filled wall behind him. "What did you _do_ to Twilight?"

"Exactly what I said." There was no humor in his tone. He snapped his talon, and Rainbow was back on the ground, wingless, her wings held in Discord's lion paw. "The book I've given her will teach her _exactly_ what it means to use a reforming spell on someone."

"Free Twilight _now,_ Discord!" Fluttershy shouted. "And give Rainbow Dash back her wings!"

"Not if she's going to keep attacking me. It gets tedious."

Abruptly he went flying sideways, crashing into the floor. "Ah don't _need_ wings to attack you!" Applejack said, looking back over her shoulder after having bucked Discord. "You want more where that came from, you keep this up!"

"Oh, you all think you're so very dangerous," Discord said sardonically, picking himself up off the floor. "What if I turn your hind legs into marshmallow fluff, Applejack, how are you going to buck me then?"

He yelped then suddenly and turned to face Rarity. "Did you... just shove a _sewing needle_ through my _ear?_" he asked disbelievingly.

"And you can be grateful it wasn't your eye, you awful excuse for an... anything!" Rarity shouted. "Release Twilight right _now_!"

"I'm sending a letter to Princess Celestia," Spike said, hastily.

Although nopony saw her move, Pinkie Pie was suddenly on Discord's neck, hooves wrapped tightly around its flexible length. She grabbed his beard with her teeth and dragged his head around to face her glare. "Let. Twilight. _Go_. Now."

"You are all incredibly annoying." He snapped the paw that Rainbow Dash was trying to leap at to grab her wings, and all of them were suddenly on the other side of the room... with their Elements of Harmony on the floor where they'd been standing a moment ago.

"Cow crap!" Applejack shouted. "The Elements!"

Rarity's bag flew from her side again, scooped up the Elements, and flew to the ceiling, where it hovered. Without her wings, Rainbow couldn't reach it, and Rarity's efforts to pull it down telekinetically were obviously being stymied by Discord's far greater power. "Now," Discord said. "Perhaps we can discuss this like _civilized_ ponies?"

Fluttershy felt as if her heart was going to snap in half. She was the only one who hadn't been teleported to the other side of the room. She and Twilight were the only ones still wearing their Elements, and Twilight was still standing as if frozen, eyes glowing. Her one Element could do nothing; even if she decided to break her promise, even if the others still had theirs, the fact that Twilight couldn't use hers made them useless. But the fact that Discord had scooped up everypony else's suggested that he didn't really trust her. Or that he didn't really trust that four together would have no effect.

She flew up to Discord's face. This hadn't worked the last time she tried it, but it was all she had left, if he was going to betray friendship exactly as she'd feared he would, after Twilight had cornered him. Part of her mind was wailing for him, that he'd made such progress and he'd been so close and now it was ruined and it wasn't even entirely his fault it was ruined, it was Twilight's fault and the others as well as him, and now she'd lost him back to his dark side; the rest of her was screaming in fear for Twilight and the rest of her friends, and all Ponyville, and all Equestria. Fluttershy mustered up all her power, and brought the Stare to bear against Discord's eyes. "Discord, release Twilight. _Now._"

The last time she'd tried to Stare him, he had pretended it had worked, pleading with her, "Not the Stare!", and then started laughing uproariously and wiggling with hysteria in midair, mocking her completely. This time, he said, "You know that doesn't work on me," without a joking note, with irritation but also uncertainty, and he looked away, as if he didn't dare meet her eyes. As if the Stare _would_ work if she could only get him to look at her.

"Look at me, Discord!" she said, commandingly.

"Why, so you can make googly eyes at me?" He still wasn't looking at her.

"So you can explain, to my _face_, why you want to throw our friendship away! I deserve that much!" She would not cry. Not now. She had to be strong.

"What makes you think I want to do any such thing?"

"Because _Twilight-!_"

"Got what she was begging for," Discord interrupted. "She won't be harmed. The spell will show her what she needs to know, and then she'll wake up the wiser for it. I haven't _done_ anything to justify all of you deciding to attack me; I defended myself from _her_ plans to attack, and she isn't hurt."

"Prove it," Rainbow Dash said.

"I don't need to. Time will prove it. And until it does I'll take my leave of you. Right now I don't want to see or hear from any of you."

He snapped again, and vanished. Rainbow Dash's wings reappared on her back, and the purse with the Elements in it fell from the ceiling and clattered to the library floor.

Fluttershy landed and began to weep, looking at Twilight's still, standing form and glowing eyes. It felt like this was _her_ fault. It had been her job to reform Discord. She'd been his only good friend; it had been her job to protect him from her other friends, and them from him, and she'd failed, and now he hated all of them and Twilight was frozen and Discord was probably going to go cause chaos and her friends would hate her for being such an incompetent pony that she'd failed the most important job Princess Celestia had ever given her and she'd betrayed _all_ her friends, Discord for her mare friends and her mare friends for Discord.

"Don't cry, sugarcube," Applejack said, coming over and putting a hoof around her. "He ain't worth it."

"Twilight will be fine," Pinkie said, but shakily, as if she was trying to convince herself. "She's probably just having like a weird vision or something and she'll totally snap out of it and wake up any minute now!" Pinkie poked Twilight, who didn't move. "Any minute now!"

"I told Princess Celestia," Spike said, looking at Twilight with anguish in his face. "We just have to wait for her to reply."

Rarity had scooped up the bag containing the Elements, and carried it over to where everypony was congregating around Fluttershy. "Darling, I know you don't want to break a promise to a friend," she said, telekinetically passing out everypony else's Elements to them. "But under the circumstances... once Twilight wakes up, if she wakes up, I think we must seriously reconsider the possibility of returning Discord to stone, at least for the moment."

"Yeah." Rainbow Dash was preening, her wings in total disarray after Discord had removed them and then returned them, but she'd joined the group huddled around Fluttershy. "Sometimes, Flutters... you know, when a feral animal won't stop biting ponies... you know sometimes we've gotta put it down."

Fluttershy began to cry even harder. She just wanted none of this whole event to have happened and everything to go back to normal the way it had been before she and Discord had even gotten here. The thought of hurting him like that, after he'd told her just how terrible it had been for him to be trapped, unable to move or see or speak, for so long... and yet, after what he'd just done to Twilight...

_Please be okay, Twilight_, she begged silently through her tears. _Please, please be okay._


End file.
